FULL Social Experiment Pt2.

We are all so complex. Webs of experience with fluctuating moods.

People complete with egos to feed, dreams, daily and yearly goals.

We all have guilt that only we can bare.

Ex-boyfriend, girlfriends, people we weren’t good to

Jobs that didn’t work out the way we hoped, or that led us to the path we are on today.

Friendships that were once profound, now half forgotten.

Travel was that was eye-opening or simply not worth the money.

I hope the following testimonies make you think about how, life is too short for small talk. 

 

A1
I love my emotions. Quick to be happy, sad, angry. I like to laugh and joke and make other people laugh. Sometimes I overreact if I feel like I’m not taken seriously. I also cut people off really quickly if I feel wronged. I don’t nessescarily like that aspect of myself. I wish I could be more understanding of other people and more forgiving. I’d love to wind up doing something creative professionally but I understand it’s not always a viable option. I’m often looking forward and worried about what the future holds especially career wise. I love being in relationships but suck at falling for people long term. Which is unfortunate. I do like myself but I also frustrate me a lot.
Male, 20
A2
I’m currently in a relaxed state of being because I’m overseas. Travel brings out the best parts of me. So I believe that my answers to this question would be shaped differently to if I was home and under stress. I like who I am when I’m away from home, because I can find parts of myself that show kindness that I didn’t know before. If someone needed help to do something, to get somewhere, money, meeting people etc; all these things I feel I do better now than in my usual environment in Australia. I think about my outer self probably more than I should (always judging my looks) to feel more confident, especially at home in Aus. When I travel I don’t feel so vain so I don’t think about the way I look so much. I’ve lost many friendships due to anxiety that I think are never able to get back. But that’s a lie to myself as I know that a simple bit of communication would spark a relationship on both sides. So, yeah, not the best at relationships. Wish I could say I was the wind beneath everyone’s wings, but unfortunately I feel like I’m being dragged on the ground below everyone else: I think every humans purpose in life is connection. We all crave connection and to be a part of something. I haven’t been in touch with many people I’ve met in my life and my best friend and I have been drifting because she’s always studying, working, on business trips, with her partner and it all comes down to making time for each other. If the other person makes time for me I need to try much damn harder to make time for them. That’s only fair.
Female, 20
A3
I know I am an atheist so let’s just assume Yeezus asked me. Too be honest I’m not sure and it kinda bugs me. I see my self as someone who wants to do good and add something to the world. I see myself as someone who makes an effort to help others and hopefully that makes some kind of impact. For a while I thought I was pretty comfortable in who I am but recently I’ve realised there’s very few things I am confident in. I constantly doubt what I do, what I say , what I think and a state of anxiety of how it will affect others and the course of my life. I do think about it almost daily. I find it difficult to stop comparing myself to others or this idea of myself I have created that is who I should be and if I don’t meet that I’m crap. Though I can reason with myself on why I do things and why I’ve done them I still feel unease. My dream is to live a happy healthy life with people I truly value, have my own business so I have complete autonomy over my time and earn enough money to live a comfortable life and raise a couple of children. I feel my purpose is to develop meaningful relationships with my friends and loved ones and to do something to help save our dying planet, our backwards society/politics, animal agriculture and modern day slavery. I am often overcome with anxiety and sadness of how shit the world is and how it will become. I want to do something about it. I have lost my grandfather, grandmother and great grandma to illness. This plus a bit of good old family drama caused me to basically loose all connection to my extended family on my mums side. This still hurts. My parents divorce plus my dads dysfunctional relationship with my stepmum and caused a total stunt in the relationship I have with my dad. I feel like it’s been a loss but also something I never really had in the first place since I can’t really remember when my parents were together or when my dad wasn’t with my stepmum. This also still hurts. I have lost many friendships to circumstance (eg. Moving to a different country) and I often find it hard to recall/ not loose memories which memories which is kind of sad and scary at the same time. I think I’m good in relationships however at the same time I find them really difficult. My first and only romantic relationship has been super successful, relatively easy and brings me a lot of joy and I believe I have brought a lot of good to his life also. I have one really solid friendship I find comfortable and easy to maintain however every other one I have found a great amount of difficulty with. I find family relationships and new friendships super difficult. I think I am a good friend in most cases and I try hard to be that but I find it really difficult to get comfortable and properly engage in a new friendship. I feel weird actively trying to be someone’s friend because I am the kind of person that wants things to happen organically and I am scared I am making a friend simply from the fear of not having friends and it be some kind of dishonest, forceful thing to consciously build a friendship. Which when I say that sounds ridiculous but I think I have this fear of just being this kind of asshole of a human being with bad intentions that’s scared of the possibility that anyone could view me as anything other than a good person. I think right now I am very confused and insecure about who I am.
Female, 19
A4
I was always a reserved person , never liked getting to comftabld with someone because I grew up my whole life watching people walk out , which still continues till today , my life right now I thought is where I should be, good job , ride or die friends, but I still feel empty on the inside. I decided to take my life into my own hands this year, tryna stop running on auto pilot , I’m tryin experience as much as I can in terms of relationships, emotions, sex. What hurts most is people not accepting me for who I am and wanting the old me back the coward that I was that agreed and followed all the rules , Soz for the hella depressing submission Vanila spice , I’m getting better XD
Female, 24
A5
I would like to say i’m a strong independent woman who don’t need no man (or who don’t need no tinder guy to fuck in the back of their car), but in reality i’m just a kid who’s life has been shaped by mental illness, memory loss, and sexual assault. quite the triple threat if you ask me, @tinderguys you better watch out i guess i don’t really have a choice but to find a way to like myself, after all, i’m the one in the end who has to put up with my sorry ass. that’s said, there was a time i really hated myself – i hated my looks, my personality…if there was something i could hate about myself, trust me, i detested it with every cell in my body. every time i caught a glance of myself in the mirror, i would look at myself with shame and disgust, and this seething anger was constantly bubbling below the surface – like a black sludge that would cloud my judgement, make me lose sight of myself, and leave nothing but destruction in its path. when that anger is so constant, it’s difficult to separate who you really are from these heavy emotions. in the same way, it’s hard to separate myself from my depression – it has wiggled its way so deeply into every aspect of my life, there is nothing about me that isn’t at least in part shaped by its reckless rampage. having lived with depression for so long and so young, and having nearly taken my own life, the person i’ve lost that still hurts is…me. at times i get glimpses of the young, naive kid i used to be and i wonder who i would be if i hadn’t developed depression (thanks dad, you could have given me long legs but instead you gave me that genetic masterpiece). then i wonder who i would be if my maths tutor – a long time family friend who has known me since i was in preschool – hadn’t decided that grooming and groping me over several years was the appropriate ‘friends and family’ discount. for the record, i was wearing my school uniform, and i was 16 at when it was at its worst. i was a scared child, i still am a scared child. at times i grieve the person i was before my memory loss kicked in, i really don’t know who i was. for all i know the first 13 years of my life didn’t actually happen, i only have echoes of memories – glimpses of events, places, and people that seem dreamlike somehow, but i don’t have enough of any singular memory to ask anyone who knew me back then if these events actually happened. despite this, i’m lucky that my passion is also my therapy. that sewing allows me the freedom to let my brain tap in and tap out when it needs to, to let it reflect on what has happened to me, and give my brain the space to heal in a safe environment. having three days a week dedicated to this is what has kept me sane this last year, and that’s not even considering how much i love sewing. i live for creating something from nothing, giving life and meaning to a shapeless piece of fabric, watching my effort physically manifest right before my eyes. i take a stupid amount of pride in completing a garment to perfection, and a compliment from someone who appreciates the art of sewing and can recognise my effort means the world to me. if it weren’t for my discovery of sewing at the time my depression was at its worst, i would have killed myself. sewing saved me from myself, and, in a way, it still does.

Female, 19

A6
Hard to define a complex human mind + body within 350 words, I know thy definitely that I have changed within the past years but of course some things still remain the same. I see the good and bad things within myself, aspects like kindness, empathy, caring, love etc but “negative aspects such as stubbornness, low patience, piety (once a blood moon and such. However overall I like the person I am because in the end I still try to understand myself and others even though it maybe not be the same. But of course things don’t always run smoothly, I have lost several people in the past due to the lack of communication as some girls do not confront you if there is a problem but in the end at that time I did apologise for my part and they had “blamed” me for the whole situations and left me behind. Still to this day it saddens me and pops into my head but in the end I tried my best. Since that has happened I’ve learned to become more communicative, honest and straight to the point and I really think that works for the best of my relationships.
Female 22, 
A7
Could be fully honest! I’m very aware of my flaws, but I do my best every day to overcome them. I try to help people where I can, but sometimes I fail. I’m not great at controlling my emotions, but the people I love are helping me a lot. My dream is to educate young people in consent and sexuality, and I’m very passionate about that. I work towards it each weekend by reading articles and doing research. I’ve always known that my purpose is to help people, and this is what I’m passionate about… again, you can only ever do your best with what you have, where you are. We’re all only human, and it’s easy to lose our path to our dreams. I hope I’m able to stay on track! I went through a very bad breakup, and I lost my childlike innocence and freedom of trust. My now partner helps me through this every day without realising. He’s complete magic.
Male, 24
A8
Caught between a rock and a hard place. Not certain where my life or career is going. Pretty sure at this point that it’s too late for love. At night I often stay awake wondering who is going to bury me after I die.
A9

I think I see myself fragily. In layers.

I see the sad and angry side of myself in the mirror, layed carefully under my skin.

No one else can see it, but I always do.

I have felt too much to be able not to see it. I like connecting to it, when alone with my thoughts. I like being tender and loving, self-soothing with myself.

I like the version of me that no one else sees and that is enough for me.

It’s weird though, I am known to be bubbly and happy. An open-book.

But really I just want to be known as honest.

Brave enough to be myself when in the past I haven’t.

I just want everyday to feel like me; that is my daily goal.

Female, 21

A10
I believe we’re all designed to have a purpose in life. Mine is to be the best version of myself as much as I can to others. I’ve always found myself to never argue with anyone but actually Listen and respond in a calm empathetic manner. This practice isn’t easy..But if we know we care about other human beings and not know what They are going through, it makes this practice purposeful and meaningful. I true to practice equanimity and feel everyone should read into it. It’s about being in a stable state of mind and not reacting too negatively about a situation. This may not apply to Everything, but it’s a great way to maintain balance in your life. Be kind, be respectful, be caring, be understanding as much as you can. If someone reacts negatively or poorly towards you, voice your view but in a respectful calm manner and leave it at that. How you react May speak volumes about who you are Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Love others. Forgive others.
Female, 27
———

10 Recipients all answered in 350 words or less, who are you when no one is watching?

2 males & 8 females who live in central Sydney, Australia answered.

Ages range from 19-27.

People took roughly, 12 minutes to write their responses.

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