Inner Jerry- Day31

How have you been?“

What a question… it seems to be the most important one to ask over these last few weeks.

How are you? You doing okay? How are things? Want to play monopoly?

I guess it was pretty important with suicide rates in America having peaked recently and India still in terrible shape after not being able to contain the Delta Strain.

I clicked on an article just last night about how you can still catch Covid, despite having the vaccine… and how the Astra Zeneca vaccine caused blood clots in young people….

“Jerry – Jerry- come here!”

“JerrrrreeeeRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-yyyyyyy!! “

Okay, now even I wanted to know- where Jerry was.

The voice came from across the bay as I spotted this happy-go-lucky spaniel with white and brown spots, running along the waterline.

Jerry was far out of reach but you could tell just from the way he moved, he was fearless.

He bounced from the shore line up the half-built wall- (which construction must have been halted due to Covid) and tapped his owner on the leg with his long, fluffy possum-tail. He then carried on zooming off in the opposite direction without a care in the world.

Jerry was what we all needed a bit of.

I had a taste of Jerry myself just yesterday. It hit me at 2pm after I had just finished babysitting, walking two dogs and was totally exhausted.

Instead this new pool of energy flooded my mind. Jerry was sparkly, pink and involved lama socks and so much foundation, you could probably ice two whole cakes.

I was starting to believe that theme and variation was the key ingredient in surviving lockdown, thus, I decided to go with the crazy idea to abandon my usual afternoon plans.

I think the seeds of creativity were planted in the morning, after I raced off to work (running most of the way) with a tapped cup of coffee in hand and 5 hours of sleep clipping at my heels.

This kid I had been babysitting for the past two weeks was starting to wear me thin. I prayed for the days that I could go back to working at my real job at a cafe where they pay me basically the same but I have to sprint around all the time and only receive an illegal 15-minute-break.

This kid- Jack, was doing Kindergarten online. Ans as any parent knows, 6-year-olds have the attention span of puppies.

But of course, being 23, I didn’t think of this. Six-year-olds don’t sit still and listen, they didn’t want to play outside and tire themselves out, no, they want to do exactly not what you wanted them to do.

Jack’s favourite game I learned, was Holly Mountain. It involved him climbing me while giggling like a psycho. Limbs going everywhere; I was partially waiting for the police to arrive and arrest me, despite not wanting the following to unfold, as usually one knee would uppercut your chin/or his feet would use you as a diving board to push off onto the couch.

The good behaviour/novelty wore off exactly 4 days ago, as saying ‘no’ wasn’t taken well anymore and losing games involved a tantrum.

It was like babysitting Donald Trump, and I was Melania just watching him. Like in those pictures- I’m holding his hand as he crosses the road and hating his guts a little more everyday.

$80, I kept telling myself as my bathroom breaks started getting longer and longer, taking my phone more important than toilet paper.

Anywho, when Jack and I arrived for our morning walk to the coffee shop I was in such a rush to leave I forgot my mask. However I did have a long scarf on, so I whisked it a few times around my head like fresh spaghetti and off we went.

No mask, no coffee,” the lady said. The same cafe I had been a loyal customer to for the past week and a half.

I silenced my outrage and marched to the next one around the corner. They let me in but as long as the scarf was so tight I couldn’t see or breathe.

“Deal,” I said.

“Now Jack, please guide blind Miss Holly, to the light please. “

“What?” He said. “ What is that?”

“ Coffee Jack. It’s always coffee!” I squeezed his hand so he knew just how serious I was.

After retrieving the cup, the world was at once bearable again, but it made me think about masks and how they were now a social currency, a badge of acceptance. Whereas before, face-masks use to be an instigator for hate crimes and racism towards asian people.

Funny- now it’s probably a better seller than hand sanitiser. So I went out and bought another pack before the prices spiked.

And then I had my Jerry moment, masks in hand.

And BAM! I was trying one of my mini lockdown challenges of trying some bad bitch makeup that was extra crazy and iconic, all at the same time. I wrapped diamanté strings around my buns like I was Arianna Grande from her 7 Rings music video and made a mask bikini to wear over my warm clothes as it was, after all, like 6 degrees. I then threw on some lama socks, heels and added some fluffy string to my mask thong and Bam. A look was born.

My Instagram was then alight, with *COVid-approved, Cold BITCH WINTER* content.

It was also a fun distraction, on account of the person I had been chatting to was acting pretty average.

We had dated briefly last year however we had just started chatting again and agreed to meet up before Covid sat on said plans.

His communication skills were pretty poor, as I found the excitement of chatting again starting to wear after he would leave me on seen some days and not reply others. Or if he did it would be to answer a question from the day or two prior with pretty surface level banter.

It was like he thought replying back was enough to assure someone that he was still interested, but if anything, it felt more like drip-feeding.

I even asked him to call me, as I was starting to feel the disconnect grow. He laughed and then didn’t.

So I didn’t know how much more clearer I could be, it was starting to feel like he was playing games and I was beginning to think, I didn’t want to play at all.

And even though I was a little bit disappointed, I wasn’t really in the mood to date again anyway. My ears only really pricked because that guy was probably the most interesting person I dated last year. But since my break-up 3 months ago, I hoped I could find that off-switch once again for not being interested in dating or anyone really.

I wanted to just enjoy doing weird and wonderful things that were on my list. I.e. cooking Korean food with Youtube’s chef John, working on my ballet again, knitting, getting better at basketball so I can smoke the men, sewing projects, not buying cats, going on runs, and reading books before uni comes back and steals all my spare time.

I wanted to be a Jerry, and I guess we all do, but it just can’t be all the time.

Last night I called my friend Nic, after playing phone-chasey with her for days.

She told me how she didn’t get much sleep the night before, as her housemates were having a gang-bang.

What!? No- that’s wild. How?” I said.

“Well, her friend came over and she had been drinking all day… “

And? Was there yelling, moaning, thumping? Could you feel it in your bed?” I asked.

All of the above.

OMGODDDDDD ahahahhahahahhahahahh.”


Perth is WILDDDDD. I need to go!” .

You should!” Nicola said. “Just not right now.”

“HA- haaaaa. I still can’t believe that- a gang-bang….”

“Such a Jerry move.” I said.

“Who’s Jerry?” Nicola asked.

Doesn’t matter.” I said.

Right…. so speaking of, have you watched Sex Life on Net-…”

“-Hasn’t the world? I mean WOW. That’s all I can sa…

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