Day 58- floating around in a covid universe

Twas a sunny day as I strolled the streets of Glebe, with a groodle in hand and two wedding dresses tucked under both arms.

I’ve had this terrible addiction of scrolling through fb marketplace at around midnight each night, to deal with my lack of Instagram and now social-life.

Life was looking more bleak as the days went on. Everyday there were higher case numbers, making us all feel a little stuck. This meant the bottle shops in the area were always pumping which I guess if good and a bit terrible too.

And yet, the sky was blue and the birds were as happy as ever. It was like humanity felt crazed but life continued. The storm was internal as the natural world carried on without us, enjoying winter being over and welcoming Spring. Rebirth.

I was finding it hard to get out of bed recently, as I now needed 9 hrs of sleep in order to function through a day of nothing.

Anyway, I found this wedding dress ad on marketplace at some ridiculous hour and decided it was a great idea. Inspired even, as I had one wedding dress already I needed to sell and it needed a top and a photo shoot to seep the dream of a secondhand dress to some hopeful woman (probably a 19-year-old Christian to marry her brother’s best-friend Barry. )

And so I had to make that dream come true. The $10 top I found on marketplace, and skirt also came with a frazzled veil, tiara, gloves and a massive skirt which I hadn’t figure out quite yet. It was fate being only $10, within my 10km radius and a 10 mins walk. So Kevin ( the groodle) and I set off in the hopes of a fairytale in the middle of a pandemic.

The man selling the dress texted me on the way over, if I wanted a second dress. I said no. It looked kinda cheap and sad. Like the bride was thrown into the pool with it on and then didn’t float to the surface.

When I arrived I checked through the box that Clinton gave me. Clinton- the man who looked a lot like an actor on a sitcom I watched last night being God but more disheveled, with tattoos stretched up his arms.

I handed the $10 over.

“ Thanks.” He then pushed the suitcase towards me.

“ You can have the second dress too.”

“ But I’m single… why would I need two wedding dresses for?”

“ I’m spring cleaning. “

“ Fair enough.” I wheeled the bag onto the other side of Kevin.

As I was gathering myself and all my dresses for the trip home, Clinton tried to pat kevin.

“ Nice dog.”

Kevin growls and he reclines his hand.

“ Or maybe not.”

“ Kevin doesn’t like men.” I tell him. “ Don’t take it personally.”

“ Hahah what about you,” he said as I quickly wheeled us away.

“ Nope.”

It must have looked like I had a terrible fight with my husband and I was taking all the important things and moving down the street to my boyfriend’s house.

I had the dog, the wedding dress box and a suitcase. The picture of the modern divorcee woman in Covid. Maybe…. I should draw this up and send it to the government to be on the next bill.

At home I wiped the suitcase down and pulled the dresses out for further inspection. They were slightly dishevelled but for $10 they were just right. I was thinking I would put the free dress up on marketplace with the caption- Dear lovers of the universe- tell me your love stories and the best one will get the dress for free! A bit like a Humans of New York.

Call me crazy but I wanted some positivity and worst case, I would cut it up and use it for my new fashion assignment. I would call the collection- ROMANCE WAS NOT BORN, BUT DRAGGED. Or LOVE FROM THE BIN.

I could already hear my dad’s words filling my ears when I would tell him that now I didn’t just have one accidental wedding dress bought on a wild girls trip but now, a bloated three.

However later that night something a little darker crept into my peripheral. I was running at night and went far too late, after my day kind of started without me. You know the days that felt like you were kind of floating hopelessly through, with nothing really working.

I liked running at night, especially through Glebe and down by the waterfront. The beautiful lights flickered and danced over the water like sugar plum fairies, with Anzac bridge and the stars in the background. The Fish Market’s neon signs splashing a Van Gogh like pink right into the middle of the choppy thick brush-stroked seas.

That was when I saw it- a lady with a golden retriever. They were headed down the steps into the water. It was high tide and I felt something grip me with a terrible feeling. It strangled me off my run to the point where a horribly related thought was planted in my head.

I flipped open my phone, now unable to run.

“Dad? Is Loui okay?”

“ Yes of course, what do u mean? “

(Loui ( my spoodle pup ) was currently at my dad’s after he said he was getting a little depressed without much company. )

“ Well I’m on a run-“

“-You shouldn’t be running alone at night!”

“Well I am, and this lady was taking her dog into the water-“

“-We’ll that’s dumb.”

“I know and scary. And suddenly-“

“-There are bull sharks in that water,” dad said.

“Yes I know- and suddenly I had this stray thought that I was going to be so depressed I would want to kill myself but first I would drown Loui in my bathtub as his little face would be thrashing around scared… “

“Jeez that is bad! Far out.”

“I know- so is he okay?”

“Of course! I just took him for a walk and bought him some meat for dinner and some cheese and biscotto for an entrée to try. And now he’s collapsed on the couch. “

“Oh right. Thank god- wait cheese and biscotto?”

“Yeah, he’s very spoiled.”

“ You know dad, you don’t have to cheese and dine him- he will go to bed with you right?” I said, chuckling.

“ Oh what a horrible thing to say Holly.”

I laugh some more.

“Did you do the same for your wife this evening?” I asked.

“Ah no. She won’t eat it.”

“Have you see her tonight?”

“ No I think she’s still mad at me. There was no kiss last night- so I might see her tomorrow. “

“ Right. Well enjoy Loui! “

He ended up sending me a photo of Loui all in a tight bundle, sleeping soundly at the end of his bed and I breathed a final sigh of relief.

“ Like a little croissant,” I sent back.

I wondered who else was out there tonight having these random fake thoughts creep in and get stuck in their minds.

It was like life atm was put on hold and not moving. Things just feeling all unnatural and wrong.

And it was just so easy to feel a little hopeless.

But I guess in times like this, the only thing left to do is just float. Maybe put on a stray wedding dress, call someone you love and who loves you and take a deep breath.

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