I’ve felt a need to reset.
No longer satisfied with the easy-going ‘if it’s not broken, don’t fix it’ mentality, I decided to look at a lot of things in my life that don’t quite seem to make sense. People being item number one.
Perhaps it’s because a lot of things I loved have naturally come to an end.
My favourite coffee shop closed. My crush of 8 months ended as most crushes do (like a flightless bird).
My holidays were almost done. My home had imploded as it usually does this time of year and my easy-going job I had loved began to ignited anger within me.
Not to mention, my second attempt at a serious relationship was a mini Masterchef fail.
However the point I’m trying to make isn’t a rant but a new opportunity. And I owe it all to my 22nd birthday.
We all know what happens with birthdays; you invite the people you like most to celebrate and usually you behave terribly with the help of liquor. However the response I received by 18 of my closest friends, kind of baffled me.
I remember in high school, adults would often say that as you grow older, your circle of friendship shrinks as you no longer need big groups to prove you’re likeability.
Generally your life gets busier and you tend to invest in a handful of people as well as try and experiment with new ones life throws your way.
And I would reply with, “Hmmmm…. but, why can’t I have loads of good quality friendships?”
Life’s reply, “Good luck with that.”
At the ripe ages of 20-25, we have all gone through enough failed friendship where even the best of intentions weren’t good enough. A pivotal lesson in growing up, brought to you by humanity. Perhaps it has something to do with the 16 different personality types out there with 1% being psychopaths.
However despite there being 7.7 billion friends to chose from, I’ve found once the honeymoon phase of ‘OMG, I’VE FOUND YOU’ wavers, the real friendship comes to light. And you begin to see people for who they are.
As a friend and separately as a person. And if you’re like me, you’ve come to the hard realisation that liking someone as a person isn’t enough to keep them as a disappointing friend.
Back to the intervention, that was my birthday. I think whether we can admit it or not, we all are privy to feeling this pressure to have tonnes of people show up for us. Regardless of how mature we think we are or what age is on our cake, we all need to feel loved and liked by those around us, even post high school.
It’s kind of sad really. But there I was, feeling just that.
I tried to let it go as people do have busy lives and it isn’t all about me. However, I’ve always prided myself on being a good friend and having a handful of rich friendships. And it kind of made me question if not only this was true but also whether I wanted to believe my friend-pool was bigger than what it was.
I swear, if you ever want to know who your real friends are have a party.
A few days later, I realised there was no point in feeling disappointed or annoyed anymore. And when I did this, I found a little slice of peace.
Party friends, best-friends, friends of convenience, friends from your past who don’t suit you anymore and work/uni friends. Who knows which people will turn out to be your life-long friends.
Perhaps friendships work best when you don’t question it and just enjoy.
My wise friend Pat told me that people only care about others when it’s convenient for them. And I think there’s truth in that.
Whether you live kilometres away or in the same zip-code, it becomes very clear when someone doesn’t make you a priority. Busy or not, there are no excuses in friendship. When people feel taken for granted or continually disappointed, they reach a point where they won’t try anymore. No matter what you say.