Dating in the Dark

    To  d a t e  is  to  _ _ _   _ _ _ _?

After far too many nights wondering why my friends haven’t had any luck with this popular adult activity,
I decided to answer the question myself.

I think it’s important first and foremost to start off on the right foot (dating pun intended) and cut the crouch out of the top dating myths.


Myth 1. I am convinced that it is no longer okay to blame the opposite side of the table (whatever gender that may be) for your single misdemeanour (last one/pun).

Physiologically, we are all wired to want what we can’t have. Thus the opposing sex/whomever your interested in is guaranteed to think on a different planet to you (a lot like that famous book…).

Attraction with a sprinkle of confusion is one hell of a dopamine fix and probably the only reason why there are so many ‘almost relationships’, that just didn’t make it over that small thing called a BRIDGE OF COMMUNICATION.

So I have some good news! In my dating smorgasbord, I have met many a sweet, kind, (8/10 times) short guy, so can I just say they are still alive and very much not gay or taken. (Myth 2 please take a seat).

And if you swing for the opposite team, then can I just say, please check tinder. The  female side of the coin is the equivalent of window shopping at Harrods. I mean, man can women master the art of angles in any lighting/frame.

(Flicks back to male pics— always with alcohol in hand or in gym selfie. Or worst, rubbing a puppy all over his face;  gets me every time.)


Throwback to the original question:

why you’re still single and searching also doubles as to the reason why 90% of dating apps and people do not mesh.

And it’s not because you’re married, especially slutty, not particularly nice, bald or emotionally repressed.

It’s simply that dating means different things to different people. And if you have been single for a few months, than you have already realised what people say they want is 70% not true. It’s actually complete bullshit.

Is it because of age or gender? Most of the time no.

It’s because most people don’t know what they want but they definitely want to look calm. So in order to achieve this look, they don’t think about what they do want and BOOM. They ghost you after four dates and a meeting with your dog. #Rude.

Or, if your part of the few who do know exactly what they’re looking for, then you have probably came across (at some time) as desperate and controlling.

And can I say, there is nothing more scary than being one date in and watching the other person attempt to not taste one spoonful of your sweet, first date essence. No, instead they are scooping your life story out like a kiwi fruit, not even bothering to meet it with appreciation or thought.

These kind of daters want one thing and one thing only, and that is to win at the date. And you my primed peach, have nothing to do with it.

But then if you do turn the speedometer to turtle pace, it can no longer seem ‘romantic’.     It’s like a cold death march into the friend-zone, as you politely wait for their divorce to come through.

AKA-  the lack of effort alerts them to hunt for another (so the dating myth sings).

This fear is further induced by circulatory dating, the devil baby of today’s hook-up culture. Known historically as ‘dating like a man’ (excuse the sexism, but I didn’t coin). The dating method acts as a remedy for people who are usually clingy, overthink or run into relationships at record speeds. Or people who love lots of sex or polygamy.

Yes it’s highly time consuming, but you’re always in demand, are able to keep your options open and can afford to let one go when they show you something you don’t like.

The con is of course having to cut things off with multiple people, having no time and possibly all of them think your not as into them as they are you. Which happens to be  the number one cause of people being scared off in relationships (surprisingly it’s not being married…).

Online dating sites also come with different politics, different people or sometimes, worst-  the same people you didn’t want the first time around.

I always like to believe if you’re both straight shooters, you can be honest and leave your egos at the door.

– I want this, I like you. 

– I’m just not feeling this, it was great meeting you. 


However, if I have learned anything from dating douchebags, being one myself or hearing about friend’s terribly detailed stories, it’s that the only regret you don’t have is never trying.

You never know who is freshly on the market. And besides, closing your eyes is never wise. (Rhyme exhausted.)

   So DIVE IN, I promise we only bite if your lucky.

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