Like a surgeon, when we hit a nerve we must try and stay calm. We must be aware of our actions and know where our scalpel is at all times. If we don’t, we end up frantically slicing and dicing at the damage we have caused or worst, run out on a bleeding patient.
With friends this method is highly applicable. However, without a loud monitor or a blood-bath of caution, it can be difficult to know when enough is really enough.
Is it when your porridge explodes, welcoming a miniature-sized Himalayans’ to make it’s home inside your microwave?
When you’re at work and you get lost in the replay of some gorgeous eyes floating past your desk, only to stub your funny bone. And then of course, wonder why this happened at this exact time, in this precise place. Was it karma? Was it the universe trying to tell you he’s really one of your friend’s soulmates’ you just eye-fucked, with your dirty olive eyes of lies? Probably not, but still definitely worth a second thought.
Or is it when even your dog doesn’t like you anymore. And like JB’s mum, your dog ‘likes everyone’ *Except other dogs but that’s because four legs freak her out.
With friendships, over-stepping can happen as often as you missing the early train. But usually if you are closely knit those threads are edited and plaited back into place without you having to throw out the whole damn scarf. However sitting on opposite ends of the table can mean either you both agree to take steps towards redemption, or a spotlight is shone on the one who threw you both into said abyss of awkwardness. And then the shade parade begins or accountability comes to take a seat, and then you’re on your way.
But here comes the big Q and no A: If you can’t forget, can you really forgive? Carrie Bradshaw brought this idea up with lovers past, but with friends is this concept just as complicated, if not more? Sex makes a mess in relationships, but long-term intimacy build around trust can also be just as fucked if one goes about it carelessly.
How many times does to take to get comfortable avoiding the other, despite still swimming in the same friendship-pond? How many invites to chill need to be ignored or forgotten for you to see you are no longer a priority? Now, you are simply a face, once a friend and now a flake- and a bad tasting one at that.
I wish I had the magical band aide formula to help in times such as these. But sometimes it doesn’t matter what your intentions are or what kind of person they are. People just get tired. People will walk in and out of your life, for their own reasons and those who stay are to be cherished. All you can really do in return is usher up all the understanding and kindness you have available, so when you step in something you shouldn’t, all is not lost.
Empathy is a tool that can work wonders, when applied often.