-
Meeting Perry Menopause
I’ve started walking a new dog named Lilly. She’s a two-year-old Greyhound and both her and her owner are going through Menopause. I was confronted by this reality one Monday morning at 8am. Okay, 8:15 – I was late. I opened the door to find Lilly laying lifeless on the ground, with a tortured look…
-
Leather + Cookies
Yesterday I started wearing men’s deodorant. It was on sale. And I was also feeling a little ripped off as my new can of women’s was full and yet the nossel said no. I mean, IT HAD ONE JOB. I went for leather and cookies. It’s quite a loud scent and it doesn’t smell much…
-
To the Women Who Love Me
“Oh Phills, you can’t say that…” “What… they can’t not follow the trend?!” she says exasperated. “I’m sorry, everyone is either mid-painting their gates or about to paint… but it looks terrible! It doesn’t go with anything, not the house… people think it’s “elegant”!” she huffs. “I call it grey’s disease.” I love Phillipa. I…
-
My Saturday Night Was An Apple Pie
Once satisfied, he slapped the barmen on the back and ran towards the stage at the speed of light. The crowd parted almost almost as fast, as he decided to do what looked like a dive towards the stage, on his stomach… like a penguin. Only he wasn’t a penguin, he was a 6 foot…
-
Holidays spent at Home
My flatmates have all vanished for the past week or two, so I have a three bedroom house all to myself. Last year I would have worried to be alone however something seems to have shifted. Recently I find being alone to be rather satisfying. I smile at my progress and wonder where it came…
-
Mid-December, 2020
Around this time of year, I can’t be the only one who is starting to take a pause after the rush that is the final tired months of the year. It’s almost like the first six are all fresh and hopeful, with the new numbers somewhat of a novelty to write and new years resolutions…
-
Ostrich meets Flamingo
In the cafe today, an older man with a head of the same likeness to an ostrich egg enters the room. When I say enter, I mean, he addressed the room in a loud booming voice that lifted my nose from my book and spooked the poor owner from this general shuffling about. The main…
-
Purpose of Life
“What is the purpose of life?” “I struggle with that a lot,” the doctor said, laying naked next to me. “OoooooooooooOOoo I know!” I said. “Let me just find it.” I reached for my phone, trying to find the right tab, the right name that homed the answer that came to me just the other day,…
-
The Beauty of Fragmentation
It’s a Sunday night and I’m scrolling through Pintrest. I can’t quite remember how I got onto the idea but I think it happened through the ease of click-bait hiding in my emails. One minute I was sifting, then I picked up the word ‘sale’ and before I knew it I was lost in a…
-
Bath People; COVID DAY 157…
Today I woke up. I only had 6 and a bit hours of sleep, so no sleep-hangover felt somewhat like a miracle. I then watched as my hands navigated clusters of lumpy clothes scattered all over the floor, sifting for my running stuff. I think the morning productivity has become almost automatic since I started…
-
Inside Blue Eyes
Her eyes that of a tacky 80’s pool. Light blue with a billion little tiles, like pixels on a screen. She’s shorter than most, easy to miss in a crowd. Yet her outfits scream something violent and sure of…
-
A Painting with No Person; Day 67 of Isolation
I opened my front-door to find this fucking painting. The same one hanging in my room since I was 10. It’s one of those out-of-focus, ugly floral prints. You know the kind that litter furniture stores, to serve the purpose of selling lounge-sets? Well… my dad had bought one home after one of many adolescent…
Beyond Curious 