As of late my mornings always start the same, somewhere in nature.

The sun greets my mum and I like old friends, as we reach the top of the lookout and then it’s just us and endless water.

I remember it was so windy that day, I felt this strong urge to fly away.

Like my soul wanted to be free yet my humanness kept me weighed down.

I wonder if that’s what happens when we die- a part of us feels relief, peace?

The kind we feel when we see a view like this and are reminded of how small we are.

I wonder if that’s what the rest of this year will look like…

Deep blue water swirling boisterously around crusty cliffs, the taste of Limoncello biting my tongue… snow so thick I can’t see 10 metres ahead, fast feet, hot chocolate taped to my lips and blinking Christmas lights in every direction making the street look like a nightclub….

My earbuds keep singing the saddest songs which seem to soothe certain parts of me while simultaneously annoying others.

I watch my mum’s hair, golden and wild. It’s longer than mine and looks a little like Silly String, the way the wind plays with it.

I think like her- there is something in us that can’t stay upset at life.

I think our spirit is a lot like our hair- it doesn’t mind looking a little ridiculous, as long as it’s happy.

I feel like you made me someone stuck.

Someone who loved you… someone you treated like pain relief.

And when that wasn’t enough, you used another.

I really hope one day you can free yourself from your past, like a bird catches the wind.

And that love doesn’t stay such a scary place.

And I hope one day to find someone who views loving me as a great adventure.

Someone who chooses me rather than needs me.

What a world that would be,

for you and for me.